he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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