dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
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