I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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