I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i've created a new STD.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
