Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
