So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
