Me too!
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
