my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
