a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
