dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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