I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
