we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
