and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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