so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Welp...herpes.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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