Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
