Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
