I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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