Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
