I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
