Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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