One girl and one boy is just not enough.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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