she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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