I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
