so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How does one acquire holy water?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
