i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
