i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
