Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
