People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
