mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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