I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
