please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
