Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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