just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
