I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
