I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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