Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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