She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
