Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
