i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
