3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
4 words: hood of his car
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
