how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
