youre lurking in front of me
Yo dont text me then not text me
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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