I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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