Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
