I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
