Say something about gay babies.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
