careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
