He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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