you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
