R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
