he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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