So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
