woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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