He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
