If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We got so high we made milksteak
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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